Sacramento Weekly World News & Review

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Your 10:00 News

You would think one hour of tv news would be better than thirty minutes... if you haven't seen Sacramento's 10:00 p.m. news broadcasts. Since I was good and did my homework tonight instead of having any fun, I rewarded myself by flipping between the KOVR 13 and KQCA 58 10:00 news. I turned the tv on just in time to see the end of the token holiday travel stories from the "international" airport.

Entertainment Tonight... I mean KQCA displayed the best graphic I've ever seen on a local news broadcast. It was a full screen shot of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson with "October 2002 - November 2005" under their picture. The death of a celebrity marriage, tonight at 10. Later on, they did a quick segment on the hydrocracker (big pipe) in Wisconsin that's been on the minds of all Sacramentans (it was after all, the largest hydrocracker to ever be in that Wisconsin port), followed by a minute of reporting on the weather in Greece. While I was still grabbing my ankles, they aired a story on a 10-pound turkey-eating competition in Pennsylvania was

That brown thing swirling in my toilet... i mean KOVR, in a local news story, reported on Bev Clark. This was the tragic story a local woman that ordered a new dishwasher and stove from Best Buy. Unfortunately, the work order that went out with the delivery of the appliances stated only that the dishwasher needed to be installed, not the stove! Bev had already begun preparing for Thanksgiving dinner (her turkey was already thawing "on the dresser"), but her call to Best Buy and pleading with the installer didn't get her stove hooked up. Luckily, Hometown Buffet will be open tomorrow, and that's where she'll be tomorrow eatin' shit and rockin' it.

The local focus didn't last long, however, as they took a quick trip around the country for the day's U.S. news: a car dangled from a parking garage at the Golden Nugget, a cat in Miami, FL got stuck on a pole, a turkey fryer caused a house fire in Eugene, OR, and a man dressed as a turkey skied in West Virginia. I admit to really enjoying the video of the pastor getting punched by a parishoner though.

I wish I still had a sense of humor so I could say something biting and sarcastic, but I think these stories speak for themselves. With news like this, we don't need one-hour broadcasts; we don't even need half an hour of this crap. Just put on Extra and let us drool without fooling us into believing we're getting any useful news or information.

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